As with most things in life, there’s a hard way and an easy way. I tend to look at the options as the hard way and the Bongo way.
Haggis
Hard way – Go haggis-hunting in the closely-regulated haggis-hunting season which runs from St. Andrew’s Day until Burn’s Night (details HERE) and prepare your haggis in the age-old tradition.
Bongo way – Grant’s tinned haggis – a vital standby in any Bongo together with Spam®, Pot Noodles etc
Mash
Hard way – Peel some potatoes, boil them for 20 minutes, mash with butter & milk etc
Bongo way – Smash
Gravy
Easy way – Bisto in a jug with boiling water. Always comes out lumpy for me.
Bongo way – Ready-made gravy – just warm it up
Oatcakes
Hard way – Scottish oatcakes (biscuits). Now I don’t mind these even though they taste like chipboard, but we have a much tastier option....
Bongo way – North Staffordshire oatcakes. These are available from Sainsbury’s and Waitrose. They are like pancakes but healthier, and you know what a health-food freak I am.
So, haggis & mash oatcakes with gravy to dip. Fast food to die for
Empty the haggis from the tin. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, when congealed it has the look & texture of catfood and smells just as appetizing.
However, once all that fat has melted it reverts to the customary joy.
Smash – Erm, tip a pint of boiling water in and mix. How hard can it be?
Gravy – Tip the contents of the sachet into a dish and stick a flame under it.
Oatcakes – warm them in a dry frying pan otherwise they are decidedly rubbery
Bliss
The alarming thing in this meal was that the most expensive component was the gravy. Perhaps that says something for the quality or otherwise of the other ingredients
...no no no 
.....and whars yer neeps ladie 
