Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)
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- brorabongo
- Supreme Being
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
Why Men Wear Earrings.......
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’
‘Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
(I always wondered how this trend got started.)
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’
‘Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
(I always wondered how this trend got started.)
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
Tonto and the lone ranger are walking through the desert
lone ranger says, you know I've heard you indians are clever people, we've been walking for days and havent eaten, how long will it be until food comes our way?
Tonto immediately drops to the floor, places an ear on the ground and says
Um buffalo come
Wow says the lone ranger, how can you be so certain?
Um ear sticky, came the reply
A plane full of nuns crashes into a desert, the only people to survive are 3 nuns and the mother superior.
they're alone and the only food available is a bag of flour
they have no water
Mother superior decides she's hungry, but what can they do with only a bag of flour?
one of the nuns says 'I know lets bake some bread'
how the heck can we bake bread, we have the flour but no water?
well, if we dig a hole in the sand, pour in the flour, then us nuns can take turns to squat over the hole, then, when there's enough water, we cover the hole and let the sun do the baking!
so they dig the hole, and each nun tries and tries and tries to pee... nothing...not even a drop.
It's up to the Mother Superior, so she lifts her veil above her head and she tries and tries and tries and tries, she tries sooo hard until...... PARPPP!!! she tries too hard, farts and blows the flour into orbit!
The Nuns pee'd themselves laughing....
lone ranger says, you know I've heard you indians are clever people, we've been walking for days and havent eaten, how long will it be until food comes our way?
Tonto immediately drops to the floor, places an ear on the ground and says
Um buffalo come
Wow says the lone ranger, how can you be so certain?
Um ear sticky, came the reply
A plane full of nuns crashes into a desert, the only people to survive are 3 nuns and the mother superior.
they're alone and the only food available is a bag of flour
they have no water
Mother superior decides she's hungry, but what can they do with only a bag of flour?
one of the nuns says 'I know lets bake some bread'
how the heck can we bake bread, we have the flour but no water?
well, if we dig a hole in the sand, pour in the flour, then us nuns can take turns to squat over the hole, then, when there's enough water, we cover the hole and let the sun do the baking!
so they dig the hole, and each nun tries and tries and tries to pee... nothing...not even a drop.
It's up to the Mother Superior, so she lifts her veil above her head and she tries and tries and tries and tries, she tries sooo hard until...... PARPPP!!! she tries too hard, farts and blows the flour into orbit!
The Nuns pee'd themselves laughing....
- mister munkey
- Supreme Being
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
My Titter Of The Week Award goes to one of Wogans contributors. (Moyles away & can't manage too much Scott Mills)
PM me if you need that explaining.I've never had much regard for French cars in the past but upon hearing that a 65 year old Renault Five had made it to the top of Everest, I've had to think again.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/MisterMunkey
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
Unbelievable. Only the manc's could get away with this.. Some eagle eyed inbred has noticed that barcelona have played an ineligible player for the last 2 games which means they could actually be disqualified and that could make Man U champions by default . Check it out on the bbc site. Its right. Man Utd appealed to uefa only 25 minutes ago. If their claim is upheld it will mean they are actually champions again !!
Carlsberg don't do texts for delusional Manc dreamers who STILL think they can win everything. But if they did.. this would probably have been the best message in the world.
Carlsberg don't do texts for delusional Manc dreamers who STILL think they can win everything. But if they did.. this would probably have been the best message in the world.
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
I don't even wish I gave a ****.
Or even have any idea what you're on about other than it must be something to do with football.
Or even have any idea what you're on about other than it must be something to do with football.
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- Supreme Being
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
But, if he's eligible, what's the problem
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
ah typo, now correctedfrancophile1947 wrote:But, if he's eligible, what's the problem
twas a joke message
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- Supreme Being
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:15 pm
- Location: Norwich
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
Aha! - football a joke - how true
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
But as you mentioned "delusional" and "football fans" in the same sentence and that lead us to think it was serious.
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
well ones man game is another mans waste of time , each to their own
I am the same with rugby, big muscular men groping each other every chance they get , would rather stick needles in my eyes than watch it
I am the same with rugby, big muscular men groping each other every chance they get , would rather stick needles in my eyes than watch it
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- Supreme Being
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
You need to try Touch Rugby (it was on BBC Breakfast this morning) - women playing alongside men Didn't see any groping thoughwaycar8 wrote: I am the same with rugby, big muscular men groping each other every chance they get , would rather stick needles in my eyes than watch it
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
thats cos I couldnt make it there......
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- Supreme Being
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Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.
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Sometimes the bull wins.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.
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Sometimes the bull wins.
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
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- Supreme Being
- Posts: 11354
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:15 pm
- Location: Norwich
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE....
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE....
Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'
IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... and now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
John
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
(Evidence that intelligent life exists in the universe, is that it hasn't tried to contact us)
Re: Daily Titter - content warning!
To complete the set:
Paddy comes out of the zoo, he's beaten up big time, cut, bruised, bleeding, clothes shredded...
Says to Mick, "You can stuff that lion dancing...".
Paddy comes out of the zoo, he's beaten up big time, cut, bruised, bleeding, clothes shredded...
Says to Mick, "You can stuff that lion dancing...".