Daily Titter - content warning! PLEASE POST JOKES HERE :)

[Muvwitch]

Aaaaaagg!!! That's 'orrible.

[brorabongo]

I woke up this morning at 8am and I could just smell something was wrong. Got downstairs and the wife was face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing. I panicked, didn't know what to do................................then I remembered, Mcdonalds serve breakfast untill 10:30.

[munroman]

Does anyone know how to cancel bids on EBay?

I was bidding on a Mickey Mouse Outfit, it turns out that in 6 minutes I will own Liverpool Football Club!

Help!

[scanner]

Does anyone know how to cancel bids on EBay?

I was bidding on a Mickey Mouse Outfit, it turns out that in 6 minutes I will own Liverpool Football Club!

Help!

Don't worry to enforce a sale goods on Ebay have to be "as described" and so far as I'm concerned anything to do with "football" defies description.

[brorabongo]

The local sperm bank are paying £20 for donations........it hurts me to think how much money I've let slip through my fingers.

[Leon King]

An elderly gentleman joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the
area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, "Did you call for me?"

The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"

She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down he farted.

Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.

"You must be new," answered the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart it implies that you called for me."

The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help
you?" she asked.

"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £200 membership fee."

"But Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady," he replied, "I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month but I fart 15 times a day so I am leaving."

[David Edwards]

Two pakistani women women were walking down the road, one turns to the other and says, " I have only been in Britain for six months and already I can speak fluent polish".

[David Edwards]

I am gonna have to go into town in the morning and get my feet measured, my shoes feel fine but I must look like I need a different size because every day this week when walking in town some foreign guy kept asking me if I wanted to buy a bigger shoe.

[David Edwards]

Went to watch a film last night but I got chucked out of the cinema half way through for taking my own food in, I was gutted, its been ages since I had a barbeque.

[David Edwards]

We bought a new 3D television last week and I fell asleep watching the Everton and Liverpool football derby, I woke up and my wallet and watch were missing.

[David Edwards]

Almost chocked to death last night, the grim reaper turned up as well but I managed to beat him off with the vacuum cleaner, my missus said I was Dyson with death.

[pippin]

David, I must be thick, or naive or both

bigger shoe??

[scanner]

David, I must be thick, or naive or both

bigger shoe??

Knock Knock

Who's there

Biggish

Biggish Who?

Ohh no don't say you are selling it as well.



Hope that helps.

PS Guess you don't get many sellers in West Wales?

[munroman]

Arthur is 90 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathises. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.


"Can't remember."

[David Edwards]

Yea Pippin you know those guys who mostly live in huge houses and are now nearly all foreign selling that mag, oh ok...The big issue,lol.