Bongo Fury

Love it ha ha ha. Thread locked and nuked please Terminators.

Can this filth be moved to the 'content warning' section please?

Children could be browsing at this time of night!


Frank

Merged as suggested, with this topic that has 'content warning'.

I was only adding a TIC comment to the humour of the occasion and subsequently became worried when it looked like I might have killed the thread!

Anyway, it is probably in the right section now where nosy children can look for it at any time of day or night!

However, we could probably have left tit (sic) where it was without too much worry.


Frank

Bob wrote:https://www.rspb.org.uk/discoverandenjo ... b/bluetit/

It's not just blue tits and redbreasts encountered in the garden. I could tell of an episode with a blackbird followed by a redshank, thrush and whitethroat.

All to do with seeking an elusive but nevertheless fairly common relative of the cormorant.

That'll do for now. There may have been other birds involved that day but my twitching memory fades.


Frank

Ah yes, how to tell the difference between a cormorant and a shag?

If Catherine Zeta Jones offered you a cormorant...

(Although in truth I'd say, "Yes", and hope she didn't know the difference.)

Bob wrote:Ah yes, how to tell the difference between a cormorant and a shag?

If Catherine Zeta Jones offered you a cormorant...

(Although in truth I'd say, "Yes", and hope she didn't know the difference.)

Three words that a woman uses to sum up a wedding:

Aisle - Alter - Hymn

whats the difference between a fox and a dog








9 pints

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained began to talk about their kids – more specifically, how proud they were of their sons…

But read until the end to find out a hilarious twist…

The first guy said, ‘My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics And Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.’

The second guy said, ‘Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.’

The third man said: ‘Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.’
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: ‘What are all the congratulations for?’

One of the three said: ‘We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. …What about your son?’

The fourth man replied: ‘My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.’

The three friends said: ‘What a shame… What a disappointment.’

The fourth man replied: ‘No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.’

Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.


Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf
nuns in Rome.'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...... 'Grumpy shagged a penguin!' 'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

From a Canadian show called 'Red Green'.

Have a look at some of the episodes, too.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T53iB0zxsto

Time we revived this thread and had a bit of a chuckle:

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey '