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OLD AGE AT ITS BEST

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park
every day to feed the pigeons, watch the
squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn't show up.
Fred didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week
or so, Fred really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got
together was at the park, Fred didn't know
where Russ lived, so he was unable to find
out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Fred figured
he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Fred approached the park and--
lo and behold!--there sat Russ!
Fred was very excited and happy to see him
and told him so.

Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ,
what in the world happened to you?'

Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue,
that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her.
What about her?

'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I
was rich and she filed rape charges
against me; and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

[Bob]

Airplane clips:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=rela ... C_VRBuGQtA

[francophile1947]

Airplane clips:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=rela ... C_VRBuGQtA

Clips won't play for me
I just get "Firefox doesn't know how to open this address, because the protocol (rtsp) isn't associated with any program."

[francophile1947]

http://www.youtube.com/embed/2kpjnGWPmj0

Very funny for adults

[blobber]

got tears in my eyes with that one John.

[Gasy]

dog really is mans best friend, to prove it lock your dog and wife in the car boot for 2 hours, when you open it see who is pleased to see you

[Gasy]

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station,when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides,

and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with a smile.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer.

The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your

rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully,


"You're probably right, but then I

wouldn't have a siren!."

[Gasy]

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!'

[Gasy]

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales in there bongo
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysili ogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress................

'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.
Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly'?
+
+
+
+
+

The girl leaned over and said...................


'Burrr … gurrr … king'

[Gasy]

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took

her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

'I think so. Provided those wa##ers at Jewsons deliver the fu##ing bricks on time.'

[Gasy]

A bit early I know but Just got the tree & decorations down from the loft & found a present i forgot to give the kids last year,pretty gutted really cause i know they would have loved a kitten.

[Gasy]

just thought i'd let you all know im in A&E,a quick word of warning the dyson ball cleaner is NOT what you think it is!!!!

[Gasy]

http://s668.photobucket.com/user/steveg ... sort=1&o=0

Trying to work out how to post pics

Testing

[briwy]

A hen goes into a library, struts up to the desk and says "book book book, book book book"
This happens for about four of five days until the librarian follows the hen to see what's going on.
The hen takes the books to edge of a pond and puts them down. A few minutes later a frog hops across to the pile of books, looks at them and says "reddit reddit reddit"

[shuttle]

After my wife suggested having a date night to spice up our marriage, it turned into a disaster with her ending up in tears.

Apparently she meant with each other.