The ethnic checkout operator did not appear to be at all impressed with any of my purchases
Gammon, pork chop, bacon, pork sausage, kidney, liver, black pudding & Spam
First off, you need to sort the kidney by removing the core. I’ve always fancied being a surgeon
....
.... Now is a good time to wash your hands as really fresh pig’s kidneys tend to smell of pig’s urine
Because of the definite desire not to eat undercooked pig’s offal, I’ve deployed a frying pan as well so I can fry one or two things in advance....
....so get that kidney & liver going
....
....while you griddle the rest of the stuff....
....sling some onions in to count as one of your five-a-day
....
TIP: as you only need a couple of slices of Spam for this, don’t be tempted to munch the rest as some kind of porky appetiser, that’ll ruin your appetite 
....and voila....
....variations on a dead pig
– Mrs Muz says the sausages & onion look ok 
